Tiny Morsels of Longing

Have I used this picture before?  Who knows?  Yeah, I haven’t taken a new picture in SL for a while.  My bad.

This picture sort of physically captures my mood when I log in though.  I feel like I’m in a contamination zone.  Unlike a normal zone full of deadly bacteria, death and disease, this is an area where I’d really like to catch the bug.  Unfortunately, I just can’t seem to force myself to spend enough time around the infected with my mask off to get bit.

Oh well. *shrug*  I’m sort of over talking about it.  Almost all my blog posts for the last year are about my lack of desire to log in and my lame attempts to try to find joy in playing SL again, and fuck, talking about that shit gets boring.

So what’s going on with me?  Well I’m glad you asked.  I’m getting ready for the holidays in RL.  I’m sort of pretty proud of myself.  I had all my decorating and shopping done by the first weekend in December which is quite unlike me.  I’ve also sort of went overboard buying gifts this year, but you know it happens.  Oh well.  Fuck, talking about Christmas.  You can only talk tinsel and garland so long before that shit gets boring.

So, can I just talk some random nonsense that makes you go “Huh, that chick is weird.” now? Cause I’ve been dying to get it all out.  All the prior niceties were beginning to grate.  Fuck niceties, that shit gets boring, right?

I’m actually fairly happy, content, satisfied, good to go right now.  I think finally at 32, I’m beginning to just appreciate the small things and not try to analyze the most minute detail of my existence and ponder how I can improve it.  It feels really good.  I find satisfaction in a really great cup of hot chocolate, smooth sheets on my freshly shaved legs and movie nights. The highlight of the last week was walking around the zoo at night, marveling at Christmas lights and holding the hand of the person I love.  My heart didn’t race, but it beat steadily, and I’m beginning to realize that’s just fine with me.

Does that mean that next week I won’t be wishing for someone to distract me with tiny morsels of longing?  Probably not.  I’d never turn down a decent distraction attempt.

I’ll end with something I read recently that I identified with which is probably just an attempt to end this blog post with a nice little fuck yes.  Fuck yes is always a great ending point.

“Overpopulation will only accelerate until we need walled cities to keep out the hungry, swarming insane masses.  And they will scrape and dig under the walls like bug eyed mole men.”

You say catastrophe, I say, fuck yes.