What If…

As I child, I questioned. Most children do. Why is the most popular question, but my personal favorite was and continues to be “What if…”

After several of these questions in a row, my 3^rd Grade teacher in frustration, finally yelled “What if the world was square? We’d all fall off and die”. My “what if” questions were never met with much enthusiasm. I grew up with adults trying to convince me that asking “what if” was a waste of time. It was an unhealthy exercise, and my time was best spent answering the questions they asked versus coming up with questions of my own. Though, it didn’t keep me from spending many nights secretly pondering the answers to those “what if” questions. I still do. Though, now my questions are more focused on past actions than the broad questions of my youth regarding the world around me.

When I fall into a counterfactual mode of thinking, I usually try to snap myself out of it quickly, because most people believe that this sort of self-reflection is harmful. Spending hours lost wondering if you made the right decision in the past could negatively impact your future.

But perhaps, just maybe, reflecting on the decisions you made and the effects those decisions created could in some way be positive?

Lately, I’ve been focusing on several key decisions and wondering how my life would be different.

What if I had turned into another parking lot on July 20, 1996?

What if I had slept through that phone call September 16^th of that same year?

What if I never went to Arizona?

What if I wasn’t home “sick” that day when I read that article about Second Life?

What if I had woke up late January 5^th of this year?

Who would I be? Where would I be? Would I even be?

Sounds like a wasted exercise huh? Asking questions that will never be answered.

Fortunately for me, experts are beginning to realize that counterfactual thinkers may have a few things going for them.  ”Counterfactual thinking — heightens one’s perception of the moment as significant, and even fated. Armed with a sense that life may not be arbitrary, counterfactual thinkers are more motivated and analytical…” 

I’m not sure I entirely agree with this study’s findings, but over 30 years of asking “what if” doesn’t go away easily. I hope that the time I spend questioning my past decisions will help me find the right answers when it comes to my future twists and turns.

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