My Daunting Dance with Restlessness
I feel restless.
In an attempt to conquer the hungry, gnawing grip of restlessness, do we attempt to fill our time with things that don’t matter, because we’re afraid of what we’d do under its spell if they did matter?
Restlessness can be dangerous. We try to shake it off by turning to new pursuits or reexamining old distractions, but perhaps it’s the current that is really demanding examination.
I’ll occupy my mind during this restless period with television or music or words, but not actions. Never actions.
Clear and purposeful acts require forethought, planning and if undertaken during brief periods of restlessness could lead to regrets.
I always regret regrets. They are quite regrettable and usually throb with finality.
And like a good book, I have trouble setting my regrets aside. I cling to them. I worry them as if my tongue caressing a sore in my mouth, a slight combination of pleasure and pain.
Restless actions lead to regrets which can lead to sleepless nights. And of course, sleepless nights lead directly to wordy, nonsensical blog posts.
I have a million questions about myself, my actions, my yearning for distractions, but restless periods never bring answers.
I’ll stop prying and find a new show to watch instead.
Wish me luck.